After almost 2 months of silence, I've emerged from the dark and scary place that is the postpartum period. My husband and I are finally able to get 3-4 hours of consecutive sleep twice a night, so the sleep deprivation stage has greatly improved. I also have recovered pretty well from my C-section--only a little residual tenderness and numbness, and I've been told those sensations can last awhile. No biggie.
My beautiful daughter, Sophia, was born on Sept. 20 and is doing well. She is absolutely the cutest and best baby ever, even when she's being a pill. My pride in her is enormous. I can't even be polite when people tell me she's cute; instead of just saying thank you, I enthusiastically agree that she is adorable! I wonder if that annoys anyone--if it does, oh well; I can't help it. She really is wonderful and I love her to pieces. Sophie is not always the easiest baby--gas issues have made her colicky--but then she'll smile, or coo, or just lay her head on my shoulder, and my heart just melts.
It is great that the gas issue has eased a bit, however. It really was pretty bad when she was 3-4 weeks old. That seems a lot longer than just a few weeks ago, lol. Her ceaseless crying every night brought me to tears at least once a day myself! However, once the pediatrician told us it was normal, Vic and I relaxed: not just because she was essentially ok, but also because then we knew we weren't doing anything wrong and we all just had to ride it out. Fortunately, she started to improve long before we really expected it, which has been great for her--and us too, of course.
So, as I mentioned, I ended up needing a C-section. Before giving birth, I was death on C-sections and determined to avoid one. Well, that just worked out great. During labor, particularly after I received an epidural, Sophie's heartrate kept dropping with contractions, and my blood pressure became dangerously low. We found out later that Sophie was at an angle, with her head essentially pointed towards my hip instead of down towards the birth canal. So, even though the doctor tried about a million different things to change the situation, a C-section was pretty much inevitable. Vic told me later it was pretty scary for him--everything got very medical very fast, and he was worried. I was scared too, both for myself and for Sophie, but I didn't have to look at myself hooked up to tons of machines and wearing an oxygen mask, so it makes for a different perspective.
The surgery itself wasn't too bad. I was a bit freaked, but so high that it didn't really matter lol. The recovery was also easier than I had expected--I'd always heard how difficult a C-section recovery is, but you know, I didn't have any issues, and avoided many difficulties women who have vaginal deliveries deal with. It was pretty easy--didn't have to push, for instance--and even if I have the option for vaginal births in the future, I'm not certain I'll take it. I still have some regrets about the C-section though. When I watch baby shows on TV and see the women give birth vaginally, I am a bit jealous that I missed out on being able to do that. It's hard to feel like a "real woman" when you can't even give birth vaginally, something women are biologically supposed to be able to do.
In any case, however, I have Sophie now and that's what's important. It's still a little strange to think of myself as a parent, though it feels more natural to me than it used to. And apparently, becoming a parent means doing things completely differently than you envisioned before giving birth. For instance, I never planned on cosleeping--I felt it was unsafe and unnecessary. WRONG. The three of us sleep a million times better if Sophie is either in bed with us, or in the cosleeper bassinet we just built (we feel it's safer) that is on my side of the bed. Although the pack n play is only a few feet away from the bed, apparently that is too far for Sophie--she only really sleeps well in close proximity, either on our chests or with our hands resting on her. After the gas issue resolves and she can sleep better, we hope she won't need us so near and we can move her back to the pack n play, and then eventually to the crib in her own room, but for now, this works for us. Man, have I had to eat my words on this one--but, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive, that's for sure. Oh, and that prior post complaining about always having to hold the neighbor's baby when I babysit? Guess who ALWAYS holds her baby? Yeah, color me hypocrite. However, I know Sophie needs me and she's too young to spoil at this point. In general, though, I've just found that as I develop my parenting style, I'm much more into attachment parenting than I ever expected to be. It's so weird.
So anyway, bit of a rambling blog entry. But hey, at least it's a new entry, right? And having marginally more free time than I've had lately, I hope inspiration continues to strike and my blog doesn't die the slow death I just rescued it from.
A Warped Sense of Reality
1 year ago