Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Venting & Advice

OK, so this will be a generalization, but I've noticed some major differences when a woman confides in a man instead of another woman. Many times, I have found that when confiding in a male friend about some issue I'm having, he will start offering possible solutions. Shortly after my husband and I met and became friends, I finally had to tell him "STOP. I'm just venting! I don't need you to tell me how to solve it; I just need you to listen!" Women often intuitively understand this. Not that we don't offer advice sometimes, but women know that many times just by unburdening ourselves, we feel better about the problem. So, in the end, we walk away humming in satisfaction, while the solution-oriented male is left scratching his head, as the problem, whatever it is, is not actually resolved.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, as I have a new female friend who confides in me, and I find myself giving her endless advice on possible solutions. I try to remember that she may just need to vent and to keep my mouth shut and just listen. Then, to my internal horror, my mouth opens and advice falls out. Endlessly. Apparently the sound of my own voice is WAAY too pleasing to me. What happened to me? Did I turn into a guy? I sure as hell don't look like one! When did I become so solution-oriented? Or was I always this way and never realized it? God, I hope not. I hate the thought that I might have been a hypocrite all along.

All I can do, I guess, is try to control myself and be a better listener, before my friend turns on me and tells me to shut the hell up. I'm sure that day is coming!


Mookie said...

Oh dear sister, that day has not only come, but happened years ago. you were just too busy running your mouth to notice the rest of us were trying to tell you to shut up! LMAO

Becky said...

I knew I'd be leaving myself open to cruelty....luckily you're my brother so I can safely ignore all that you say.