Friday, June 19, 2009

Yes, I am this bored

Rather than do any of the housework which so desperately needs to be done, I decided instead to yield to the siren song of the blog....I've resisted for a long time now, figuring there was enough spewing of thoughts to keep people entertained, but finally figured, why not spew my own? They are just as valuable. Besides, if my brother can do it, why can't I?

What's weird is that I even feel the need to post why I decided to start blogging....like some half-ass manifesto. Not enough that I simply want to do it....no, I have to explain why. One of my neuroses, I guess.

Anyway, so setting things up has been interesting. My feminist side came roaring to the forefront when I couldn't find "Homemaker" or something comparable in the "Industry" portion of the profile. Now it's possible that it's there and I am just blind, but I looked. Twice. So wtf is that about? I feel insecure enough about staying at home while my husband works without feeling like I don't have a "real job". I don't need a website reinforcing that view. Staying at home is nice in many ways, but there's no denying that it's an undervalued role in our society. What's worse is that it is often undervalued by ME.

Now, this could be counteracted to a certain extent if I were more vigilant about the housework, but frankly, it's difficult to motivate myself to clean. Susie Homemaker I'm not. Usually, I leave it until it's just driving me crazy and I feel I have to clean. Fortunately, my husband is even less likely to notice messes than I am and so he doesn't come home from work and ask "Why didn't you clean today?" While I complain for 2 weeks about how dirty the kitchen is and how I really need to clean it (yet never do), he listens very patiently....or, more likely, tunes me out. He's admitted freely that he tunes me out when I complain about something repeatedly. I should be mad about that, but really, it seems like a sound coping strategy. I know if I had to listen to that from someone else, repeatedly, I'd get pretty tired of it too.

One aspect of staying home that really does suck is feeling unimportant and like I dropped off the face of the planet. I do spend some time with my neighbor, who is also at home, but I miss having more friends, like I used to. I see old friends maybe every few months, which is weird for me since I used to see them every day at work. Then when I do see them, I don't have much to say for myself, as it's hard to come up with life stories when you spend your day with the cat. So I feel boring....I've found the best thing to do is let them talk and respond to that. I spend a lot of time on the internet as well, so it's easy enough to keep up on current events; the trick is to mention them without necessarily getting into religion/politics subjects as that can be touchy.

I often feel guilty, too, since my poor husband is solely supporting us financially. I keep telling him I feel like a leech....at which point he responds, "Well, I don't think you're a leech! That's YOUR issue. Stay home as long as you like." This is pretty reassuring to hear, even if it's said in an impatient tone lol. Still, it's very strange to lean completely on another person when I have been used to making my own money since I was 14. Thank god we have a strong relationship and I'm not worried about him running off with some 20-year-old named Bambi.

The good thing is, soon I will be forced to become more productive at the house. We're expecting our first child in September and that will keep me a lot busier throughout the day. My hope is that this will make me feel that I contribute more (because I will be!). I just hope I can continue to stay home. Despite the boredom, the isolation, and the financial factor, I do not want to return to work once that baby is here, if at all possible.

7 comments:

Mookie said...

Welcome to the world of blogging. Now to address your post:

1. "Besides, if my brother can do it, why can't I?"

NOW you listen??? Where was this when I was trying to get you to play football or tennis on something of an actual competitive basis..you know like putting forth effort at all?

2. "Then when I do see them, I don't have much to say for myself, as it's hard to come up with life stories when you spend your day with the cat."

As you have already read before in my blogs, life with a cat can provide some meaningful material..albeit I grant you it is better in writing, when you have legitimate creative licensing at hand, rather than in person to person conversation.

3. "Thank god we have a strong relationship and I'm not worried about him running off with some 20-year-old named Bambi."

Maybe its not so much the relationship's strength as it is he's so busy supporting you he doesn't have time to go to a strip joint in order to find some chick who actually goes by the "Bambi"?? I'm not saying this is the case, but you know, from our talks on IM, you do sound kind of leech-like! HAHAHA

4. "I just hope I can continue to stay home. Despite the boredom, the isolation, and the financial factor, I do not want to return to work once that baby is here, if at all possible."

Does help with keeping him away from 20 year old Bambi!!!

Oh I kid....welcome again tot eh blog world, I'll link you in on my list of blog reading!

Danielle said...

don't let him give you too much crap, dear. we would both have me come home if it were at all feasible right now. a job can't and won't give you meaning, nor does it necessarily make the conversation more interesting. usually the opposite, in my opinion, cause who really wants to hear about the job when you've left the job for the day. ugh, talk about monotony and superficiality. welcome and i look forward to the exposure of the interesting workings of your mind in print.

Becky said...

To answer my lovely brother's comments....

1. I listen now because you actually did something interesting for a change.

2. It's true that the Colonel's posts are quite amusing but I am not so adept at creating massive amounts of bullshit that I can do it on the fly in conversation. And, as you fairly noted, conversation and writing are different. Besides, it'd turn more into a speech instead of a conversation.

3. Hey, whatever works!

4. Ditto.

And finally, thanks for the welcome and the link :)

Becky said...

Good point, Dani. At least now you won't have to listen to my monologues on the asshat qualities exhibited by so many of my former students! Well, unless I get on a tirade about my old job lol.

And thanks for the welcome :)

Mookie said...

1. I won't dignify that one with a reply

2. You are the daughter of the Evil Duane....bullshit skills should be 2nd nature to you by now.

All In said...

If you'll look back at my first pathetic attempt at a post, not that they have gotten any better, you'll find my pathetic attempt at justifying why I should blog. As though you or I need permission to blast our ramblings across the internet. No, we are Americans. It is our right, if not our duty to blather our mindless thoughts. Perhaps someone will accidently care. I'll add you to my blog list. I know how fun it is to see people reading your thoughts when you first start out. Happy blogging.

Becky said...

Thanks for the welcome, Jay :)