Thursday, July 16, 2009

Getting nervous....

You'd think someone who's wanted a baby for years and totally planned her pregnancy would be more excited than scared at this point. Sophia is due Sept 14 and I am just terrified. I don't have all the stuff I need yet, which makes me very anxious. The bigger issue, however, is I'm just not sure I'm going to be a good mom. I don't have the patience I think I should, nor do I particularly enjoy playing games with little kids. But I don't want to be one of those moms who resents their kids and parks them in the playpen in front of the TV all day either.

It probably doesn't help that I've been watching my neighbor's baby this week. He's a good baby, and a cute one, but needy. I don't mean he needs food or diaper changes or things like that, because those are normal and no big deal. It's that you can't put him down for a more than a minute before he starts crying to be picked up again. His mom carries him around all day apparently, and so he expects the same from me. I love holding and cuddling with him, but when he's crying because I have to put him down on the floor for 2 minutes so I can pee, it becomes a bit of an issue. Especially when I have to pee about every 25-30 minutes. Vic told me maybe I should try to break him of this habit, but I'm not sure it's worth it for only 2 more days of watching him. I don't think he'll learn that quickly and will just cry the entire time. If I were watching him for a longer period of time, I'd put up with that so he would learn, but it's hard to undo 11 mths of training in just a few hours. In any case, I feel a sense of relief when his mom comes to pick him up--which really scares me, as soon I'll have my own and no one will be coming to pick her up.

So, I'm just starting to wonder if having my daughter is going to be like this too. I'm hoping the whole maternal love thing will kick in so I enjoy being a mom. I feel a bond with her, but it's still more abstract in some ways than I expect it to be when she's actually here. At least I hope the bond will get stronger. And I enjoy being pregnant so much--rubbing my belly and feeling her kick in particular--but I'm not sure I'm ready for the actual child herself. I know that, ready or not, Sophia's coming in 2 months but it's just freaking me out!

10 comments:

QUEEN said...

Do not freak out becks. Your mom instincts will kick in. That baby is used to being held all day. You will train (sounds like a pet lol) your baby otherwise. Everyone is scared the first time. Don't let that get in the way of your love for your child. Bye the way, I see you are as intelligent as Mike in your writing skills. I'm sure i'll hear about this from him.

Mookie said...

Hey Becky,

Don't worry about that stuff so much. Its all worse in your mind than in real life. I was pretty sure I was going to break the boys very early on. So far, all the attempts to break them were self inflicted and they have failed miserably at the task..not for lack of trying mind you....apparently under the soft bloody skin tissue, their heads are as hard as mine. And, always remember what Dani used as a stress reliever....use the husband and take some time to just get out of the house on your own on occasion while he watches the kid!

Kelli said...

Hey Sweetie!

Okay first of all I want to echo that your mom instincts will kick in and you'll be great! And the big thing about all those other kids, the one you're taking care of and the ones you don't like to sit and play games with ;), is that they are other people's kids. You're gonna do great and you'll have Vic there to help. I can't even imagine, I know you're nervous, but try not to stress too much!

Love you miss you!

Becky said...

Awww....you guys have all been so sweet, trying to ease my nerves, which is not an easy job lol. I just spent an hour and a half on the phone with my parents who were doing the same thing :b

Thanks for the kind comments; they mean a lot to me.

Danielle said...

I remember that terror very well and i didn't even have "wanted a baby for years and totally planned her pregnancy" to fall back on. the anxiety is normal and any mom who says differently is lying through their teeth. you have maternal instincts, remember, this is what women are designed to do. also remember that parenthood is a learning process. couple of points

* most of a childs behavior is learned, so our job as a parent is to mold that behavior (i.e.- it doesn't hurt a child to be put on a blanket or in a playpen to occupy themselves for a while)
* if you are feeling overwhelmed, USE your resources. set the child down in a safe place (crib, playpen, daddy's arms, etc) and take a couple of minutes to breathe.
* take time for yourself and your relationship with your husband. this is VITAL. don't lose yourself in the raising of the child.
* you are going to make mistakes and things will not go smoothely all the time. relax, roll with the punches.

I must echo the previous statements in that i am supremely confident that you will be just fine. you are about to embark on the hardest job you'll ever love and it will be an adventure. I won't tell you not to stress because that is simply not possible. what i will tell you is to use the perspective provided by those who've been down the road you are heading and temper the stress with it. it won't go away, but it may give you a little more peace of mind. Love you!!!

QUEEN said...

I AGREE WITH DANIELLE. THAT WAS VERY GOOD ADVICE. LISTEN TO IT AND APPLY THE CONCEPTS.

Mookie said...

Oh, and just so you know I'm still the brother you grew up with...
Quit being such a baby about all this!! God, you always were a whiner! LOL, just kidding (except the whiner part!!!)

Becky said...

Again, thanks for the advice and the reassurance! I have calmed down some over the weekend, now that I've adjusted to the dose of reality I received! Not to discount my own concerns, as I think they were valid, but hormones may have played a part too ;)

and Mike, just who do you think taught me to whine so much? :b

Mookie said...

I'm not sure who taught you how to whine. I attempted throughout your entire youth on how to hold a civil, and very intellectual discourse designed to properly lodge complaints. I don't think you listened. But then again, you're a democrat, so...... LMAO (sorry had to get that last shot in!)

Becky said...

Mike, you're so full of crap you squeak at every turn. Anyone who knows you knows you whine constantly!