Every 45 minutes? Really?!

Sophie has been suffering more from gas lately. This has coincided with my reintroduction of soy and hidden dairy. At first, I tried to pass it off as mere coincidence, because I did not want to go back to a diet devoid of soy and hidden dairy. Hell, I wanted to start eating obvious dairy. My birthday is next week and I was hoping to have real pizza (read: with cheese) and chocolate. But, after 4 days, I could no longer deny that eating soy and hidden dairy was causing problems for Sophie. Vic and I were both surprised, since we hadn't really noticed her improvement when I stopped eating these foods. Apparently, her improvement was too gradual for our perception. Vic has commented that it's not really fair that it takes her forever to improve, yet she gets worse within a few days. True, but I guess at least this way, we were able to notice the issue. Won't the pediatrician be surprised. He's insisted her gas is just normal gas for babies all along.

Anyway, this increase in gas, combined with Sophie getting accustomed to her crib, means she wakes up a lot. We've been pretty tired, as we'd been getting up every 90 minutes or so, with a record of 2 hours the other night. In addition, as her gas has gotten worse, it's been harder to get her to go back to sleep after she eats, so we've probably been getting about an hour of sleep at a time. Or at least I have. I'm not sure if Vic is getting more sleep during the night, since he doesn't have to get up to feed her. He might still be awake though.

Last night, though, was awful. She got up, on average, about every 45 minutes. By the time I'd feed her and get her back to sleep, it seemed like I'd have to turn around and get back up. I know it's not Sophie's fault, but last night I swear I could hear her thinking "Oh, they're about to get to that deeper, restorative sleep?" WAAHHH!!! And those were the good times. The other times, she just waited until I was about to get to sleep at all.

About 2 am, I just lost it and dissolved into a puddle of tears. I was so tired and so frustrated and I just couldn't take it anymore. I haven't had a moment like this since Sophie was about a week old. Vic got up and took care of Sophie while I went to the bathroom and cried. We decided that since she was sleeping so poorly it'd be better just to put her in bed with us. On one hand, I hated to do this, as it feels like we're backsliding, but on the other, if I didn't get some sleep, I feared I would go stark raving mad. Vic feared the same; he even said he was worried I was going to go crazy. I don't think he meant it literally....but I'm not too sure.

This type of schedule has been very draining. Between lack of sleep and an unsatisfying diet, I've really not been too happy lately. It's pretty damn sad that not getting to eat certain foods gets me down so much, and tells me more about my emotional relationship to food than I really want to know. I know that if I got more sleep, my outlook would be more positive but without it, it's been a spiral into depression. I'm starting to worry about myself--this needs to end soon or I'm really going to run into some problems. I've been holding on, hoping that things would improve--and going back to dairy/soy free, they should--within a week or so. I hope.

The clock is ticking down...

I'm in my 38th week and have been playing the waiting game for the past couple weeks. I am ready to meet the baby, and to not be pregnant anymore! I am apprehensive about the upcoming life changes, and kinda wish I could have a couple days to just sleep and relax between pregnancy and taking care of a baby, but I am also increasingly excited to meet Sophia.

I find myself getting a bit short-tempered lately, a state probably brought on by hormones, the suspense of waiting, and the tendency of people to ask me "So have you had that baby yet?" and "How ARE you?" every day. I'm still good at smiling and answering politely but I can feel the strain! Vic has even commented on it as he is asked the same questions at work. The first thoughts that tend to pop into our heads are generally along the lines of "Yes, we had the baby and didn't tell anyone!" (especially when it's his MOM who asks) and "Still freakin pregnant, how do you think I am?" My impatience is pretty sad when I'm still a week and a half from my due date, but it doesn't help when everyone else reminds me daily that I'm still waiting. Vic has said that maybe he should start making stuff up, just to give a different answer when asked how I am. It's either that or discuss dilation and mucus plug status, both of which are a bit TMI for most people :b

Anyway, I am excited to see Sophia. It will be nice to be able to meet her, see her, and make sure she's ok. She scared me a bit this past week by reducing movement, and it's not like I can do a visual check on her. It'd be pretty sweet if I could--pregnant women need an abdominal window with a light, like an oven! The doctor said she was fine but sent me to labor & delivery at the hospital for a nonstress test, where they monitored her heart rate and my contractions for about 40 minutes, and of course everything was fine. I was a bit embarrassed at even being there and told the nurse I was mostly there for my own peace of mind, to which she very kindly replied that it was a great reason to come in :) So that was nice. It was pretty exciting being at L&D too, and a lot more comfortable than it will be in the near future lol. I saw a girl checking in due to labor who was in my childbirth education class. She was eerily calm. It's not that I expected her to be constantly screaming or anything, but she did not visibly show any contractions in the five minutes or so that I saw her. I hope I have her calm when it's my time, but knowing myself, I doubt it.

Speaking of contractions, prodromal labor sucks. I've been contracting on and off for over 2 weeks now and in the past week they've definitely gotten more intense. They still aren't terribly painful or anything, but they are uncomfortable, annoying, and increase the suspense of waiting. Last night I woke up at 2:30 am due to a contraction that stretched all the way around my lower front, hips, and back. Then I couldn't fall back asleep because I was having more of them--still far apart, but more frequent than in the past. Just about the time I was getting excited, however, they grew further apart again--so frustrating! I was awake until about 5 am anyway though. I spent part of the time running through the few last minute items I'd like to accomplish before she shows up, and the rest of the time just trying to get back to sleep. Sleep has been frequently interrupted for the past several months but this week, insomnia is definitely getting worse. Yesterday I woke up at 5 am and couldn't get back to sleep. So the difficulty sleeping doesn't help me remain patient with these contractions. I know they are helping me progress, but it is a very slooooow process.